May 8th 2008

It began with my parents, when they made a covenant in front of God and His people.

My father is a pastor and my mother is a nurse. It is old fashion how they met. Both my parents were introduced to each other through their parents. My father went with a ring in hand, utterly trusting his parents, while my mother did the same. But there is a small detail that cannot be left out. A member of my mother’s church, in prayer received a message from God; that my mother would become a pastor’s wife to someone like Samuel the prophet. I find it romantic how my father proposed to my mother at the end of the first date. It is incredibly more romantic how they continue to stay in covenant with each other.

During college my sister and I would often come home sporadically during the week and weekends in search of food and rest, only to find the house deserted. The next morning we would find takeout bags in the kitchen; remnants of my parent’s date the night before.

I have had the pleasure of watching my father do the most romantic thing a man can do. The most romantic thing began with my mom working nights and raising us while we moved from California (where I was born) to New Jersey (where my sister was born) to Washington to Alaska (where my father was ordained) to California back to Washington. Of course my father helped while my mother was away at work, but the general gist of it all, from my birth until my high school years was, my mom supported my father’s dreams.

Somewhere towards the end of high school my mother ventured into real estate and business. My mother is not a businesswoman. Without assets it is difficult to not only start a business but establish a business without the intention of any profit. Anyhow, after what I would consider bad investment after another; I confronted my father during the middle of college. I asked him, do you realize what you are doing letting Mom risk financial ruin? I asked him repeatedly if he knew what he was doing…

This was his answer…
He explained to me that my mother had stuck by him, supported him spiritually, emotionally, and physically while he pursued his dreams. He was now in a position to stick by my mom, supporting her spiritually, emotionally, and physically while she pursued her dreams; supporting her through every illogical investment, and that, that was an intense romantic act of love, the love of God.

I grew up in a good Christian home; my father is a Presbyterian pastor. Lower middle class from then until now, we managed every need and even some wants. I met Jesus Christ at a youth retreat between middle and high school. I learned who Jesus Christ was and what he did. I was saved but I did not know Jesus Christ.

As a child my parents were legalistic Calvinistic Christians. We were allowed to listen to the church music, classical music and the Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, and Disney soundtracks. No pop music, Nintendo, anything resembling a gun, and the like. In light of everything now, looking back, I am grateful my parents protected my childhood innocence.

I began listening to No Doubt and Oasis by the end of elementary school. In high school my parents were letting me set my curfew; the only rule being that I had to stick to my word. Having been through every clique, from punk rocker, to alternative junkie, to prep, I was going through a techno-rave phase towards the end of high school. Routinely, after a long night of partying, I would come home around 4am Sunday, in order to snooze some before heading to Church to lead praise. In retrospect I should have died many times. I survived because of God’s grace but back then I was completely blinded by my selfishness.

One night, coming home, something felt different. I was getting sick of the partying, but I also made the realization, that while my parents were letting me set my curfew; they were not sleeping until I came home. That was the first time I truly utterly felt loved; the selfless love of God flowing through my parents.

The second time I felt this way was at church. I was walking past my mom who was in prayer. She was crying, which was not unusual. What was unusual was that I stopped and listened. She was praying for my sister and me. Any other time I may have thought it was touching to hear my mother pray for me, but this time it was different. I wanted to change.

I am stubborn and I went through my freshman year of college doing terrible my first year. It did not help that my father stepped down from head pastor to take a sabbatical helping the regional Presbytery. The church routine was over. Through God’s grace I ended up in a small group. Towards the middle of the second year with my small group, our small group leader thought it was a good idea to write testimonies. For the life of me, I just could not come up with one; I worried. To make things worse my small group leader approached me and asked; if you died today, could you say with certainty that you would go to heaven? I am glad he asked me, because now I can answer with certainty that I will, and in the following years, God gave me a life, a life reflecting Him; a testimony.

At the end of my second year in college, I sincerely asked God to transform me and to use me as his tool. At the time, I was completing medical school prerequisite courses as well as applying for other opportunities to explore medicine and gain medical and research experience. From that time onward, God answered my prayers in miraculous ways. I was given fellowships, scholarships, and research experience one after enough; at the right time in the right way with the right people. I was certain that God would send me immediately into medical school so I could quickly become a doctor; in a position to serve and be a tool of God.

I had everything backwards.

I wanted to go immediately into medical school. I applied broadly to low and middle tier schools where people with my score and background are a shoe-in. My arrogance got me in nowhere.
God told me to go work and volunteer more. I am so thankful I did not enter immediately into medical school.

I wanted to work in the ER of a large adult trauma center. I wanted to experience blood and drama.
God gave me a job in the ER of the best pediatric hospital in the northwest. Now I know my work will be in pediatrics.

I wanted to volunteer in South America or Africa. Asia was not even a consideration, with China being one of the last countries on Earth I planned to step foot in. During college, I did not even glance at the people who approached me to help the North Korean humanitarian cause.
God sent me to China, to a city along the North Korean border, to help indigenous Korean-Chinese and North Koreans. Those three months transformed me more than in the years it took me to get there.

I wanted to go to public health school for an MPH in epidemiology after medical school. I applied to medical schools again. Now with a more open heart, I applied to public health schools as well. I was rejected from every medical school.
God gave me acceptances to the top three public health schools in the country.
I will have the opportunity to attend the number two epidemiology program for a financial bargain while having the priceless opportunity to spend two more years nearby my family.

I wanted to continue volunteering elsewhere. In the past I mocked those who went to teach English in Korea.
God sent me to Korea, not just to teach English, but to teach English for free. These past 7 months have been nothing short of amazing.

Lastly, however by far the most significant…

I wanted to have everything in clean order before getting married and started a family. I thought it was silly to travel to another country, even if it was Korea, to find a wife. Among the many factors, my arrogance contributed to my pickiness which kept me single all these years.
God did not just send me to Korea, but he introduced me to my future wife.
I now know who I will serve and share, as we pursue a purpose driven life together.

It took time to build up to this significant event. It started with my parents. However, things started moving during the summer of 2007 when I went to China. Before China, Christianity was still a religion to me. Through my experiences in China I realized that Christianity is a relationship with the Trinity; a relationship with God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus Christ. A missionary doctor couple I met in Yanji, China specialized in pre-marital counseling and put some of us who were volunteering at the local hospital through a pre-marital course. As I mentioned before, I had planned on marrying after becoming settled. However, through the course, I battled my arrogance, reducing my long list of wants in a spouse to around ten. More importantly I was around a variety of missionary couples, from grandparents to newlyweds. Also while in China, being far from my parents, I started to look at my parents as people, as a couple deep in love, in God’s love. I wanted to experience God’s love in this way. I started praying for a spouse.

After returning home I continued praying and developing a relationship with Jesus Christ. I realized I was lacking in one important aspect of my relationship with Jesus Christ, I did not have a healthy prayer life. If I was to become closer to Jesus Christ I would have to start talking to him more often. Realizing that Korean-Christians have a healthy prayer life, I planned to take a long term trip to Seoul, Korea after taking the GRE and applying to medical and public health schools.

My time in Seoul, Korea has been all attributed to God’s grace. I have had a free roof over my head and have been given odd jobs here so I can eat and travel around. I also had the wonderful opportunity to volunteer with two organizations, Dunamis and Hanaro. At Hanaro, I had the chance to develop relationships with middle and high school kids, helping them with English and math skills. Also talking and playing sports with them in their free time. With Dunamis I got to share and become a part of the lives of many college students, supporting them as they improved their conversational English.

On March 29th, I met Jodie Eun Young Han for the very first time. She was invited by one of the leaders of Dunamis to see what Dunamis is all about. She ended up attending the class I was helping. I remember she was cute, wearing a Nike hoodie and jeans, dressed down and comfortable. I remember her Australian accent and her energy, she was full of life. I joked and flirted with her because she is older than me and because the group leaders told me to do what it took to get her to join Dunamis as a teacher.

On April 12th, I had plans to have dinner with some church friends. However, one of the Dunamis leaders started a new business managing a dermatology/plastic surgery clinic in downtown Seoul. Just as I was arriving, Jodie’s group was leaving. As she was getting up to go, I grabbed her arm and asked her for her number. I was surprised when she obliged. She left with her group and that was the end of that.

Around that time I was interested in a woman. I knew that this woman was not interested in me so I wanted to know how I should work out the situation, to either pursue her or move on. For advice and wisdom, I decided to have dinner with Jodie and ask her for her opinion. She was older and had promised me dinner if I ever called.

On April 18th, I met with Jodie and had dinner at her favorite Gangnam restaurant, Dos Tacos. I told her about my situation as she shared her relationship experiences. She asked me to pray for her future marriage and I asked her to pray for mine. It was just so relaxing and comfortable. As we walked from Gangnam to Yangjae, where we finished off the evening over coffee, I remember not wanting the night to end.

After that night, two things happened. I asked Jodie if she wanted to share our quiet times. I felt I could learn from her wisdom and gain experience sharing my quiet time life with a friend. Secondly, I cleaned out my heart of any potential romantic interests.

On May 2nd, I met with Jodie and had dinner again at her favorite Gangnam restaurant. Before heading out to meet her, I considered taking a guitar. I knew she liked Hillsong and thought we could sing some praise songs together. I ended up not taking the guitar. However on our walk home, we walked by a quiet break area between two office buildings. The first time we walked by we just walked past the area, but this time we walked in, only to find a couple each playing a guitar. I asked the couple if I could borrow a guitar and they obliged. We sang Hosanna (by Hillsong) together that night. We made plans to meet the following week.

A few days before meeting her for the third time, I decided it was best to study and develop the relationships that God had given me. Shortly after meeting Jodie and before resolving the interest in the woman, God took away all of my part-time jobs. I took this as a sign that I should become more serious in my studies preparing for the MCAT. I also took it as a sign that I should no longer pursue new relationships but develop those he had already provided. However, the second I let go of all things relationship related, the only image and name that came into my head was Jodie. I asked God, really? – And he said yes. Wow!

I intended to see Jodie with an ultimatum. I decided that meeting her in the evenings like we had, I was doing her a disfavor and disrespecting her. After all, she asked me to pray for her future husband the first time I met her. If I kept meeting her in the evenings she definitely was not going to meet her future husband. Only now did I realize I could be him. If this was God’s person, God’s time, and God’s timing, she would be thinking and praying the same thing.

On May 8th, I met with Jodie at Yangjae to have Gimbap and go for a walk along Yangjaecheon. At the start of dinner I told her I could not see her like this anymore. She said she would miss me. Over the walk at Yangjaecheon, I told her I could not see her like this anymore. This time I explained myself, that I was disrespecting her by meeting her like this, and that I did not want to hurt her feelings or have my feelings hurt. I told her I was falling for her. She said she would miss me and would cry if she could not see me again. We continued walking and she told me she had something to say after we got some ice cream. On our way back after ice cream, we sat down. Then she spoke…

I realize I am very human. While a sinner, by God’s grace I may sin no more. I planned to hand everything over to God after he gave everything to me; serving God after he made me a doctor, after he gave me this and that, everything. Now I better understand that my time, dreams, and career are not for me to give to God; I cannot give God what is not mine to give.

I realize I cannot love on my own accord. Because God is God, God is love, and God is the source of all love, I can only love others with the love that flows from Him. Because of sin I am a broken mirror, however only Christ’s redemption sacrifice, and through the continual work of the Holy spirit can I be mended to reflect God’s perfect love, grace, and glory.

Now, it begins with Jodie and Jason, as we make a covenant in front of God and His people.

God is God

"God in my living. There in my breathing. God in my waking. God in my sleeping. God in my resting. There in my working. God in my thinking. God in my speaking...God in my hoping. There in my dreaming. God in my watching. God in my waiting. God in my laughing. There in my weeping. God in my hurting. God in my healing...Christ in me. Christ in me. Christ in me the hope of glory. You are everything..." - Tim Hughes

These past 5 months and some odd days in Seoul have been intense. Full of highs and lows, it has been simultaneously emotionally charging and draining. No week has been the same. Aside from volunteering at Hanaro and Dunamis, and serving alongside Steff, my schedule has been madly variable. God has given and taken tutor clients and hakwon jobs. God has housed me from Daechi to Amsa with a little bit of Silim spread in between. When reality started gaining ground on my dreams, God refueled me through a visit to Seoul Asan Hospital.

"Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause. As I walk from earth into eternity." - Hillsong United

Praise God for giving me His Spirit, so that I can actually see ~ and I see Him in everything ~ and I have to say, His timing is Holy.
Just recently, God delivered the most significant gift and responsibility to steward thus far in my lifetime. I was just standing there, just doing my thing so I wasn't even sure if it was for me. But, He told me it was and I signed. So now I am the steward of this gift and responsibility.
I know what I can handle. For the most part, I can breathe, eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep on my own. When I feel adventurous I even try running and studying on my own too. However, this present and responsibility is not something I can do alone. This isn't even something my Mom and Dad can help me with. This gift is a gift from God. God is the gift's creator and because only God truly understands this gift inside and out, only God alone can enable me to properly care for this gift. So I pray and seek Him in earnest to empower me with his Spirit, so that I can adore, cherish, and love this gift until I pass from this life into Eternity.

"O God you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." - King David

more then i can chew

this is my obligatory end of the year post. in supposed reference to all the experiences 2007 had to offer, i should be able to muster up a few lines of insight or at least a catchy phrase that sums it all up. i cant think very clearly right now because of this cold and that flu. additionally, i am slowly losing the ability to communicate in English; i guess i can blame the fact that im trying to learn spanish in korea - yea, that clearly doesnt make sense. anyway, as most of you all know, i love to eat, and against all reason and lessons in manners, i tend to eat via the stuff mouth + chew little + swallow technique. unfortunately, that technique has taken over the way i live. ive taken on as much as i possibly can fit into a schedule and have succumbed to the fact i cant swallow. end result - im tired and sick. while i feel that we should all try to live by that cheesy but thoughtful quote that goes something like "dream like you'll live forever, but live like you'll die today", i clearly have to refine my methods. cheers for having made it through 2007, onwards into 2008. ^^ happy new years! / 새해 복 많이 받으세요! / Ein glückliches Neues Jahr! / ¡Próspero Año Nuevo!

a box of chocolates

"life is like a..." is probably overused. I'm one of the worst offenders and as my commitment to my offence, I offer up the classic:
My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get."
I know what his momma was trying to tell him, but now I'm really understanding how that applies. But 'cause I'd rather ride a rollercoaster then eat a box of chocolates, I figure life is like a rollercoaster. You roughly begin and end at the same place, i.e. from dust to dust. However, you're blind folded for the whole ride. There are places and stretches of track where you think you know what's gonna happen next, prepare for it, and it happens as you figure. But mostly, you know you're going from point A to point B and even though you imagine and plan it one way, the loops and turns that get you there are unexpected and ... if you can manage to .. enjoy and get a thrill out of it. Needless to say there are places you turn blue, vomit, and cry for your momma. If you try fighting the ride it's gonna hurt more then it has to.. and well you can ascertain more metaphors if you'd like. Anyway in short, realizing I'm on such a rollercoaster has made the last year that much more enjoyable. This next stretch is another that I'll remember forever.

paid practice

In short, I've been hired as an expensive babysitter. However, I've come to realize that this is really just practice for the real deal... i.e. raising my own children someday. I know, it's a scary and overwhelming thought considering I'm not even dating right now.
In other news, there are no swimming pools (that I could find) in 강남구 where you can do early morning laps.
I'm still sick, so nights are miserable. 'Sleep' is a collection of 1hr naps interrupted by coughing and a re-dosage-ing of Tylenol cold & flu / the only thing I brought that has dextromethorphan hbr. By the time I recover from the flu I'm worried my liver will have been poisoned beyond repair by acetaminophen - such is life without health insurance. (Also damned by my miserlyness, that I didn't bring along a few bottles of Delsym)

busy with nothing

So now I'm in Seoul. I have no work, no commitments -- nothing, but I find myself rather busy. I havn't found the time to make it to the nearest PC방 to upload pictures I took during the flight. Finding stable work will be a multiple week process and having caught the flu from a cute but sneezing, oozing Vietnamese baby on my flight here, I just want to eat and sleep until I feel better. Without health insurance I can't risk a bacterial infection... its pathetic how in these times I think more often about my relationship with Jesus.

first snow

seattle marathon 2007

seattle vs chiang mai vs seoul

I'm getting anxious to get going with three and a half days remaining. The visa thing hasn't totally worked itself out yet and tomorrow is my last shot at getting one while I am stateside. Otherwise I will have to figure it out via international post or the visa office in Seoul. So out of boredom and curiosity I've compared these three cities.

As the crow flies...
Seattle --> Seoul (8,329 kilometers, 5176 miles)
Seattle --> Chiang Mai (11,573 kilometers, 7192 miles)
Chiang Mai will be the furthest distance away from home. I've been to Tbilisi which took me 10,014 kilometers (6223 miles) from home.

i ran the seattle marathon in 3hrs 57mins 36.4secs

Sunday was extremely cold but dry. Praise God it was dry, otherwise the 26.2 miles (42.195 kilometers) would have been that much more painful. It's a good thing I only glanced at the marathon course map, otherwise I may not have run the Seattle Marathon. The first 19 miles are about as smooth as 19 miles could ever be, but from mile 20 to the end...hills, hills, and hills. And no, not The Hills (MTV), but the hills they made you run in grade school just to make you puke. Except these hills are much longer, much much longer, try 4+ miles long. Below is the down and dirty on how I trained; and yes, it is possible for a 5'8" 190 pound short-legged Korean to finish a marathon.

I ran 09:31/mile for the first half and ran almost a minute faster at 08:37/mile for the second half (02:04:38.7 split & 03:57:36.4). Registration for the Seoul International Marathon starts November 30th!! ^^

i'll miss you charlie

So to inform the uninformed, I can't stand our family dog, Lily. Lily is an overfed, lazy, do nothing, attention whore dachshund. However, our cousin's dog Charlie is a well behaved, loyal, diligent labrador mix rescued from the animal shelter. Anyway, I'm going to miss those runs/walks through dash point park Charlie.

last day at kentwood

As Ruth would put it, today was my last getup at Kentwood High School. It was a good time and like everything else, there was a lot I learned and experienced. Here are a few last minute pictures I took at the school of the Conquerors.

marathon training

nothing too exciting has happened since i bought the plane ticket. while i have ideas of what will occupy my time while i am in korea, nothing concrete has been determined. what i do know is there are 3 weeks left until the seattle marathon. in case you were wondering, my exciting life has been defined by an excel file for the last two months.

online journal

facebook is to networking as blogging is to venting, or so me thinks that if blogging is therapeutic for everyone else, i'm gonna give it a shot.

the general story is i have no idea what i'm doing. right when i think i'm reaching a point of clarity, some clear vision of where i'm headed with all the right confirmations that i'm on the right track, i realize i was so wrong that i led myself to believe that i was right.

to combat these feelings and my quenchless thirst for adventure, i'm setting off towards seoul, korea. from december until the beginning of june-ish i'll explore the underbelly of seoul. if you can suggest any reputable organizations that serve seoul's homeless youth or connect me with parents or students wanting a private english tutor, throw me a line.

anyway - after buying the airplane tickets, i'm itching with anticipation to leave. however, i know that i'll be busy tieing up loose ends; i.e. completing grad school apps, last few weeks at my two jobs, putting to gether an esl curriculum.

until next time.